Thriller Script

INT. CAR PARK STAIRS - NIGHT

JOHN: These days you see too many people complaining about their situation. The way I see it everyone has their chance. Too many people just don’t see it. Now I’ve got my chance. Start when you’re young, and when life moves on, you’ll have no reason to complain.

INT. CAR PARK - NIGHT

JOHN: Smith is it? (SMITH nods slightly) Thought so. (Silence) Well? (Silence) Ok. (Laughs) I’ve brought your stuff, well your bosses stuff. (SMITH Looks away) Hey, you listening to me. Do you speak English mate. You fucking idiot. What’s the matter, are you pissed off cause I’m a bit late. You do know who I am don’t you? (Silence)I’m John Vanik, you know, the son of fucking Harvey Vanik. I’m sure he sounds familiar (SMITH looks up) Yeah that’s right, you know who he is don’t you, one of the most powerful men in this business. You didn't think he’d send his own son to do shitty jobs like this did you? No they normally send little pricks like you to do this kind of shit. As you can see though, I’m still pretty young, this is just practice really, I’m just building my way up, you know. It’s not easy being the boss’s son; no one dares to mess with me though; but at the same time have a lot to live up to. But hey, I’m sure I’ll do fine; one day I’ll be taking my fathers place. Are you not interested in what I’m saying? Look, I could have you fucking killed; dickhead! I’m talking to you; you’re not very polite are you. You’d be better off showing someone like me a bit of respect. (Silence) Fine, fuck you. You’ll regret this. (JOHN throws the briefcase at SMITHS feet then turns around)

SMITH: The money has been wired into your account. (JOHN turns to face him)

JOHN: What?! I know the money’s been wired into our account. That’s beside the point. Why bother opening your mouth now? (Laughing) You’re a cheeky bastard you are.

SMITH: Sorry.

JOHN: It’s a bit late for an apology mate. I’ll have to seen about you. You’d better watch it. (Turns and begins to walk away)

SMITH: (Smirking, he puts his right hand into his pocket and slowly pulls out a pistol, it hangs by his side for a few seconds and then he carefully aims it at JOHN who continues to walk, unaware of the danger he is in. SMITH smiles. Blackout. Bang!)

The Original Script (above) was too long, so that we could not fit it all into the space of 2 minutes. Also we decided that our thriller opening should not be long winded and over loaded with information. Here is the revised script that we used after editing it thoroughly:

INT. CAR PARK STAIRS - NIGHT - INTERNAL MONOLOGUE
JOHN: These days you see too many people complaining about their situation. The way I see it everyone has their chance. Too many people just don’t see it. Now I’ve got my chance. Start when you’re young, and when life moves on, you’ll have no reason to complain.

INT. CAR PARK - NIGHT

JOHN: Smith is it? (SMITH nods slightly) Thought so. (Silence) Well? (Silence) Ok. (Laughs) I’ve brought your stuff, well your boss's stuff. (SMITH Looks away) Hey, you listening to me. Do you speak English mate. You fucking idiot. What’s the matter, are you pissed off cause I’m a bit late. You do know who I am don’t you? (Silence)I’m John Vanik, you know, the son of fucking Harvey Vanik. I’m sure he sounds familiar (SMITH looks up) Yeah that’s right, you know who he is don’t you, one of the most powerful men in this business. You didn’t think he’d send his own son to do shity jobs like this did you? No they normally send little pricks like you to do this kind of shit. Are you not interested in what I’m saying? Look, I could have you fucking killed; dickhead! You’d be better off showing someone like me a bit of respect. (Silence) Fine, fuck you. You’ll regret this. (JOHN throws the briefcase at SMITHS feet then turns around)

SMITH: (Puts his right hand into his pocket and slowly pulls out a pistol, it hangs by his side for a few seconds and then he carefully aims it at JOHN who continues to walk, unaware of the danger he is in. SMITH smiles. Blackout. Bang!)

Update: During editing some pieces of the script have been cut out to deal with the issue of time and also to prevent the conversation from becoming to tedious. On top of this we wanted Tanwyn's character to seem cocky, but whilst the script was quite long he just seemed nervous and rambling.